An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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