Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
