No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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