is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
