i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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