I need to stop coming to work sober
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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