why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
