couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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