The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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