There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
