if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
