I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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