I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
