it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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