a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
His hands were made for my vagina.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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