people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
and she was petting her beer can
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
