i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
