I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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