I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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