I wanna passion pit in your ass
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
