For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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