My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
