i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize