what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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