I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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