a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
