I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
