god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
