We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
