i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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