YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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