All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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