she was so not down for the gang bang
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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