thus making me awesome and them whores
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
