Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
