I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
