I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
