I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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