I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So here I am, sexting at work.
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