SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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