He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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