mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
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you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
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It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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