Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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