I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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