Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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