dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
