i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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