Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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