I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
