You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
