toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
