wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
