I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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