At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
