Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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