can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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