you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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