he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
