I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
