Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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