At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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