is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
