So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
