why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
