i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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