Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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