dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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