you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
