Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
