i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
