I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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