You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
