I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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