Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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