Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
