There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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