You made me cry and you don't even care
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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